I started to write this post when I was seven pages into Michael Scott’s The Alchemyst. I set it aside and decided to wait, since seven pages seemed too hasty. A book needs to make a great first impression, but I’m willing to give a second. Or third. I’m a forgiving sort of lady when it comes to my teen fantasy, since series are long and the two of us might need to compromise a bit like any good couple. (We never do.)

I am on page thirty-six.

I am on page thirty-six, and I am in an abusive relationship. This book is beating me with its stupid.

As a reader of fantasy, I bring with me a certain set of expectations when I read a fantasy novel. Because of the fantastic element, I wholly believe that these stories should border on timeless. The mundane aspects ought to be kept generic to achieve this. A sentence like “she got into her 2001 silver Saturn and blasted the new Modest Mouse single Float On” makes the mundane entirely too specific and unless it’s completely relevant to the plot¹, I don’t want to hear it. Just tell me she got into her car.

Okay, yes, I know that “car” brings with it a specific time period. That time period is an eon compared to the span of weeks that “Float On” was considered new. Getting into a plain old car is something we can change easily with our imagination, updating the setting to fit our (futuristic) needs. She got into her hover-car? Bam. She got into her 2146 AstroCar Plus and blared- Yeah, my brain is tired already. I’m sure future-rock is terrible anyway.²

My point is, the more pop-culture references that get dropped, the harder it is to budge a story out of a specific date. And this is the way Michael Scott writes. I’ve already heard about iPods, earbuds, Bluetooth headsets (the ear doodads are ALWAYS specified), The Simpsons, Quake, Doom, and the male protagonist’s inability to navigate Myst.³ Michael Scott, I don’t care.

Am I supposed to care? Am I supposed to be fourteen and hugely impressed that these teen-aged twins have similar interests as myself? Assuming I’m a fourteen year-old reader of books (which I was, at one point), these kids have already been painted as non-readers, so I’ve already failed to connect. So, maybe this is to encourage the non-readers out there that books can be fun! They can involve non-readers just like you, out there playing football and video games and not reading. Wait, what?

To reign in my tangent: Pop culture kills. It’s distracting. Harry Potter mentioned the Playstation about halfway through the series and I’m still seeking counseling for that colossal mood-killer. This is a fantasy book - quit tying the fictional mundane to my real world. It isn’t cute. And also, stereotypical teen know-nothing airhead protagonists make me sad. But that’s a rant for another day.

More importantly, there is a gaping plot-hole at this point. It has been slightly acknowledged by our dear Nicholas Flamel (cleverly hiding behind the name ‘Nick Fleming’) so I really hope it’s tended to in the future. Like, in the next ten pages would be great.

The titular ‘Alchemyst’, Nick, has had in his possession a book for the last, oh, seven hundred years or so. This is where all of his secrets and spells and whatever-ma-jiggers are - you know, where the immortal life, disease-killing, youth-forever, awesome Philosopher Stone-type secrets are. And it’s finally been snagged by his big bad arch nemesis who has been after it for almost five-hundred years.

John Dee has been after the secret of immortality. For five hundred years. Yep.

…

There has to be a reason, right? Because I’m pretty sure he’s already figured out the hard parts. Is there a fantastic casserole recipe in the back? OH, and speaking of the back, our weeny teen boy managed to pull two pages out. They are, of course, the two most important pages in the entire book.⁴

Sigh.

I really hope this book gets its act together.

1. I think I just challenged myself. Now I have to write a novel where the big bad wizard is destroyed only by blaring “Float On”. I apologize.
2. You kids get off my space-lawn!
3. Has he never heard of Google? Come on, Michael Scott, don’t you want to drop that name too? Maybe give us even more irrelevant drivel about this kid?
4. They are not a casserole recipe.

In my own tiny, sad homage to Nick Hornby’s old monthly contribution to The Believer magazine, I present the Stuff I’ve Been Reading. I haven’t really settled on a schedule, and I’m almost afraid to list the books that I’ve bought so far this month (it’s a lot), but I’m ready to go.

Earlier this month I read Ji-li Jiang’s Red Scarf Girl, a memoir about her life as a twelve year-old girl in China during the Cultural Revolution. It was sitting near the old middle-school classic Farewell to Manzanar, and the blossoming Commie China buff in me was intrigued. (I say this after reading, what, three books about Communist China? Maybe?) It’s definitely at the YA level, but I’ll admit that if I hadn’t worked my way through Jung Chang’s Wild Swans last year, I wouldn’t have fully appreciated what was going on. The extent of what occurred with Mao pre-Cultural Revolution, as well as some general background on China, are almost essential. I suppose my point here is that this is definitely a teaching book, and needs to be put in context with discussions. It also deals with some pretty heavy issues, what with families being violently torn apart by Red Guards and all.

Aside from the needed supplements, it’s a really great read. It paints a quick, vivid picture of life at the time, at that age. It’s probably best suited for kids around thirteen, as the narrator is at their level. You get the good lessons about standing up for what’s morally right and being as true to yourself as you can be under a fascist government hellbent on destroying you for the crimes of your ancestors. Hm. Cheery.

In slightly happier, if not lighter reading, I’ve been listening to the audiobooks for Jonathan Stroud’s Bartimaeus Trilogy while I work on my projects. They’re books I’ve read before and really love, so the audiobooks are a great way for me to relive them. Simon Jones is an absolutely fantastic narrator, capturing the snark and smarm of Bartimaeus the djinn and his copious footnotes brilliantly. Sadly, the footnotes lose their oomph when you don’t know what words are coming from where, but the seamless integration is pretty impressive. Good on you, Mr. Jones.

These books are about, of course, Bartimaeus. He’s a djinn from the Other Place and is summoned into an alternate version of London where magicians have taken over as the government. The true source of the magicians’ power, unbeknown to the commoners, are spirits of various levels from the Other Place. Bartimaeus falls somewhere in the middle.

Parts of the books are narrated by Bartimaeus, others by his child-magician summoner, Nathaniel. (Magician name, John. Oh, I see what you did there, Jonathan. I’m on to you.) They have quite an unusual relationship, as any good odd couple does, both being a bit snippy and petulant in their own way. They both know the real name of the other, which is the most powerful weapon when it comes to magic, so neither is fully in command of the other. The tug-of-war is pretty hilarious.

But their main struggle is against the mysterious Resistance, perpetrated by commoners. Possibly children. Oh the political intrigue! No, actually, it’s quite well-done. This alternate London and its mechanics are well thought-out and the requisite cliches are dressed up so nice that you just don’t care.

Okay, yes, I love that it’s drowning in sarcasm. But how can you not?

Side note - I am truly saddened by the lack of love for this book. And the lack of fanart. Because we all know that fanart is the true measure of popularity. (We’re pretending fanfiction doesn’t exist. It takes far too much effort for me to evaluate.) Truly, these books are underrated. Go read them. Right now.

I picked up a number of other possibly promising YA books while at the bookmine this month. Things like Magyk and The Alchemyst and whatever other books feel the need to substitute in a y for some vowel that was doing a perfectly good job on its own, but we have to make they tytle look catchy and wytchy because that’s the rage, ryght? (Boy oh boy, if only they’d ban ME from schools, then I’D get popular too! I mean, it worked for Harry Potter.) Sound logic, everyone. Well done.

No, I’m sure they’re perfectly delightful. But I’ll let you know.

To kick off 2010 in a grand fashion, I opted to stay home by myself (plus annoying cats) and make some real headway concerning grad school applications. I went to sleep immediately after the ball dropped and went back to work the next morning. Today, the second, is the first time this year I’ve had a day to myself and the time to compile my list of resolutions. Here’s what’s relevant:

Read more.
I read a lot. That being said, I also watch a lot of TV and play enough video games that, in addition to my day job, reading gets shafted more often than I’d like to admit these days. The goal is to read at least two books per month, or twenty-four books this year. In keeping with said resolution, I visited the local used bookstore to prepare. What this means for the blog: book reports.

Start the podcast
Sometime this year I hope to start a podcast. It’s mostly about books for kids, 10-18 or so. I need to reevaluate the schedule I had planned. Also, I welcome guest contributors. More information to come.

Finish projects
Self-explanatory. Finish projects before starting new ones, actually start new ones, and chronicle progress through the blog.

Happy new year, interwebz. I hope it’s productive for all of us.

First of all, apologies for the lack of posts from my adventure. It turned into a culinary tour of NYC/Rochester, most notably involving my (and our?) first dim sum adventure, which has left me wanting more. Nay, needing more. (Oooh, content foreshadowing!)

Anyway, the point of the trip was for me to interact with various colleges and their MFA Illustration programs. Through a series of unfortunate events (several involving Urban Spoon and my inability to write down directions) I was only able to meet successfully with one institution and have already come to the conclusion that the graduate art program is not for me. A harsh judgement to be sure, but one I am completely willing to reevaluate at a later date. So for now I’ll concentrate on one of my many other loves - library science.

As mentioned previously, my current situation involves a delightful but low-paying, low-thinking job at a local fabric and craft store. Fortunately for me, I’m too busy during work to notice a lot of the cool things in the store and I find it too depressing to come in on my day off to shop. Yet both still happen.

Pictured is my current stash of fat quarters - they were on crazy sale due to defect, so I snatched up quite a few. My plans include: reversible cloth headbands (for friends and for etsy), Japanese craft owls, and Christmas gifts I cannot safely elaborate on.

Also on the crafty to-do list are a kimono that’s been on lazy hiatus for some time, another apron for a friend’s birthday, and a dress for myself that will be my first project in matching plaid.

In terms of the site, welcome and bear with me. I’ll be improving functionality as I go and discover what I need, but so far it’s to a point where I can use it. That’s the difficult part. This is one giant exercise in finishing projects.

I have been sitting on this particular patch of web, tinkering and not posting, for over a year now. How disappointing. I’m trying to rectify this.

I have been posting my art online in various forms for the last ten years or so, but like my idols before me I graduated high school, started college, and forgot everything else.

But now I’m out of college, sitting in the break room of my minimum wage retail job (yay degrees!) and taking a stab at re-establishing myself on the magical interwebs.

I don’t plan on this being any kind of formal. Check back for art, rambling, photos of my misadventures, and so on. I’ll be leaving tomorrow for a week in New York, so expect some poorly constructed iPhone-in-the-subway blogs.